I think about suicide sometimes?

I think about suicide pretty often but I do not think I could ever do it. The closest I have came to killing myself was putting a pistol to my head and pulling the trigger multiple times without checking the chamber. However, I knew the gun was unloaded. I just feel worthless. I am a father and only get to see my child a couple times a week at most I am dating her mother and I am always paranoid about her cheating or something even though I am the scum bag perv who would cheat if I had the chance because I never get laid. I have one or two friends and literally no social life. I am so awkward in social situations and I do not talk and I get red and sweat. I just hate my life and cant really pinpoint why I think it is so bad because honestly it isnt compared to some people's. I have been depressed off and on for quite sometime but recently seriously contemplated suicide. I lost my pop in February he was slowly killed by emphysema and a lung surgery he could not recover from. Most the time I am completely emotionless. One of my best friends from middle school and early highschool committed suicide last month I think that is another thing that is got me thinking harder about it.